These Jokes Are Not Meant To Insult Anyone
They Are Only Here For Humor
You Might Be A Redneck if:
If you go to Family Reunion's to pick up woman,
You just might be a red neck.
If you have a milk mustach that is three weeks old,
You just might be a red neck.
If your two-year-old has more teeth than you do,
You just might be a red neck.
If you have to climb to the top of a water tower
With a gallon of paint to defend your sisters honor,
You just might be a red neck.
If you make change in the offering plate at church,
You just might be a red neck.
If someone tells you that you are lying though your TOOTH,
You just might be a red neck.
If you walk your kid to school because you are in the same grade,
You just might be a red neck.
You come home from the garbage dump with more than you went with'
You just might be a red neck.
More than one living relative is named after a southern Civil War General.
You just might be a red neck.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You just might be a red neck.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high quality entertainment.
You just might be a red neck.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
You just might be a red neck.
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
You just might be a red neck.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You just might be a red neck.
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You just might be a red neck.
Your car stereo cost more than your car.
You just might be a red neck.
Your family tree doesn't fork.
You just might be a red neck.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
You just might be a red neck.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
You just might be a red neck.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You just might be a red neck.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
You just might be a red neck.
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You just might be a red neck.
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
You just might be a red neck.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
You just might be a red neck.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.
You just might be a red neck.
You think the OJ Trial is a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You just might be a red neck.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You just might be a red neck.
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You just might be a red neck.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You just might be a red neck.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
You just might be a red neck.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You just might be a red neck.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
You just might be a red neck.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You just might be a red neck.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.
You just might be a red neck.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
You just might be a red neck.
You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.
You just might be a red neck.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
You just might be a red neck.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
You just might be a red neck.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You just might be a red neck.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You just might be a red neck.
When you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
You just might be a red neck.
Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary.
She got to readin'.
You just might be a red neck.
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You just might be a red neck.
"A Redneck Valentine's Day Poem"
Collards is green,
My dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you!
Yore hair is like cornsilk
A-flappin in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
But I love you anyway!
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
Jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
Right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
When you shave under yo're arms,
I'm in hawg heaven,
And awed by yo're charms.
Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo're there for yo're man,
To patch up life's troubles
And fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those
Far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life
More'n a fresh loada' dirt.
When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin'
Despite all the years
Yo're age it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men they buy chocolate
For Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth
"Diamonds are forever,"
They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man honey,
These just won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
Without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds...
It's a new troll'n motor!
Author Unknown
Slick Willie
A True Redneck
Bill and Hillary Clinton are driving in the country near Hillary's hometown.
They are low on fuel, so Bill stops at a gas station.
The man at the gas station comes out and looks into the window.
"Hey, Hillary!
We used to date in high school, do you remember me?" he asks.
They talk merrily for a few minutes.
Bill pays, and they leave.
As they drive, Bill is feeling very proud of himself and looks over at Hillary.
"You used to date that guy?
Just think what life would be if you hadn't married me," he says.
Hillary looks at Bill and says to him,
"Well, I guess you'd be pumping gas and he'd be President"
Author Unknown
And Finally Some Redhead Jokes
Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A. Say something
Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds
Q. If you love a Redhead, set her free ...
A. If she follows you everywhere you go,
Pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital.
She is yours.
Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails.
Q. What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal
Q. What does a redhead, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A redhead!
Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl
Q. How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A. There's a hammer embedded in the monitor
Q. What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools.
Q. How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
A. She unties you.
Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way,
And the other is to let her have it.
I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife.
The clerk was putting the finishing touches on a bouquet.
A young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."
The desperate customer turned to me and begged,
"May I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" I asked.
"Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided.
"My wife's a redhead, I broke her hard drive and she can't get on to Aol!"
Recommend FatCat Marv's Site To A Friend!
© 2000-2001
FATCAT MARV'S BIKE RUNS
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Collards is green,
My dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you!
Yore hair is like cornsilk
A-flappin in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
But I love you anyway!
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
Jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
Right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
When you shave under yo're arms,
I'm in hawg heaven,
And awed by yo're charms.
Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo're there for yo're man,
To patch up life's troubles
And fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug
A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those
Far ants I found in my bed.
Cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt,
You spark up my life
More'n a fresh loada' dirt.
When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain't nuttin I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin'
Despite all the years
Yo're age it keeps hidin'.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men they buy chocolate
For Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth
"Diamonds are forever,"
They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man honey,
These just won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift,
Without taste nor odor,
More useful than diamonds...
It's a new troll'n motor!
Author Unknown
A True Redneck
They are low on fuel, so Bill stops at a gas station.
The man at the gas station comes out and looks into the window.
"Hey, Hillary!
We used to date in high school, do you remember me?" he asks.
They talk merrily for a few minutes.
Bill pays, and they leave.
As they drive, Bill is feeling very proud of himself and looks over at Hillary.
"You used to date that guy?
Just think what life would be if you hadn't married me," he says.
Hillary looks at Bill and says to him,
"Well, I guess you'd be pumping gas and he'd be President"
Author Unknown
And Finally Some Redhead Jokes
Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A. Say something
Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds
Q. If you love a Redhead, set her free ...
A. If she follows you everywhere you go,
Pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital.
She is yours.
Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails.
Q. What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal
Q. What does a redhead, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A redhead!
Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl
Q. How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A. There's a hammer embedded in the monitor
Q. What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools.
Q. How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
A. She unties you.
Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way,
And the other is to let her have it.
I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife.
The clerk was putting the finishing touches on a bouquet.
A young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."
The desperate customer turned to me and begged,
"May I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" I asked.
"Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided.
"My wife's a redhead, I broke her hard drive and she can't get on to Aol!"
Recommend FatCat Marv's Site To A Friend!
© 2000-2001
FATCAT MARV'S BIKE RUNS
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A. Say something
Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds
Q. If you love a Redhead, set her free ...
A. If she follows you everywhere you go,
Pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital.
She is yours.
Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails.
Q. What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal
Q. What does a redhead, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A redhead!
Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl
Q. How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A. There's a hammer embedded in the monitor
Q. What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools.
Q. How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?
A. She unties you.
One is to let her think she is having her own way,
And the other is to let her have it.
I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife.
The clerk was putting the finishing touches on a bouquet.
A young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."
The desperate customer turned to me and begged,
"May I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" I asked.
"Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided.
"My wife's a redhead, I broke her hard drive and she can't get on to Aol!"
Recommend FatCat Marv's Site To A Friend!
© 2000-2001
FATCAT MARV'S BIKE RUNS
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
FATCAT MARV'S BIKE RUNS
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED